# 3

I don't ever blog anymore but I blogged my first two birth stories and really want a record of my third. So here it goes!

On Thursday, August 2nd, 2018 I woke up around 5am with contractions. I had been having a lot, especially at night but these ones felt different and seemed more real. I told Jon and he and I both felt like today was the day. We finished packing up and doing laundry and he headed into work. I told him to go ahead and stay and I'd call when I was sure. But he had a presentation to do and went ahead and got it covered and was home within the hour. My contractions continued but weren't totally strong. It was so nice having him home to take care of the boys so I could focus on getting everything ready and walk around the house through contractions. Twice my contractions seemed to stop but would pick up again after about an hour. I kept wondering if it was false labor but my labor with Andrew was similar so I was pretty certain it was real. I lost my mucus plug which also told me this was happening today. My contractions were all over the place- every 2 minutes to every 15 minutes or more. They weren't too long or painful but they definitely felt real.

We tried to decide if we should put Andrew down for a nap after lunch or take him to Marian's so we could head to the doctor. We decided to put him down for a nap and around that time my contractions slowed down again so I rested some too. After about an hour the contractions were stronger and I started to worry so Jon took the boys to Marian's around 2:30 and then I called the doctor and we went to get checked. We ended up having to wake Andrew up but he still was able to nap for a good amount of time.

We got to the doctor and they were in no hurry at all. I wasn't in a ton of pain so maybe they didn't take me seriously. But when they checked me I was at 5cm so they called the hospital and had me head over to be admitted. When I got to the hospital, they were surprised and asked me what I was doing smiling and walking around when I was 5cm. My contractions hurt but didn't last too long and weren't super intense yet.

At the hospital they were in no hurry at all either. We got into our room around 3:30 pm. We got into a room quickly and then just waited. I got a little nervous because when I had Andrew I was at a 5 and then was only at the hospital for about 30-45 minutes before he was born. I thought this would be similar. They finally checked us in and I was bored and tired of standing and walking on the hard floor. I had been walking all day. Sitting was not comfortable and neither was laying or being on all fours. I tried a birthing ball but that was uncomfortable too and my legs and back were hurting a lot.

I started to get really frustrated that it was taking so long- in comparison to Andrew's birth. I kept asking why it was taking so long and was getting tired. The doctor offered to let me walk the halls and said we could do that or break my water. I wanted to walk but I was also tired and wanted to be done so we had him break my water to speed things up. I didn't feel like it sped things up a lot but maybe it did. It still took a while. My mom arrived around 6 and I could hardly talk to her or anything. By this point I was shutting my eyes, zoning out and praying to be done. I was so frustrated I wasn't done yet.

Then, I kept feeling urges to push but both times when I checked I was a 7 or 8 and they kept saying it wasn't time yet. It was starting to feel more and more like time and finally I said, "he's coming out!" I started to bite down on my hands and pushed. The doctor and nurses finally took me seriously and got ready for delivery. I had to hold my legs up to push which was exhausting but luckily I didn't push for too long. I probably pushed too hard because I just wanted him out. Pushing of course hurt like crazy but I kept pushing as hard as I could. I could hardly hold my legs up but I used all my strength to push because I knew the sooner he came out, the sooner I was finished.

His head and one shoulder came out but his other shoulder got stuck and I had a stage 4 tear. It was bad. As soon as he came out he was laid on my chest and Jon cut the cord. I never got to hold our other boys so long right away because they had their cords around their necks. It was weird holding him and I was weak and tired. I was being stitched up which hurt a lot (mostly the numbing shots) and I was overwhelmed. I began to cry and shake and feel really cold. My teeth were chattering a lot. I think that was the first I had cried during the whole ordeal. My throat hurt a lot from yelling out while pushing. I was hungry and thirsty and exhausted. But I was so relieved he was here and healthy. Luckily I was given a few minutes before I had to nurse.

The doctor and nurses started guessing at his weight and guess he was 8 or 8 and a half. They were shocked when he was 9 lbs 7 oz! He was 21.5 inches long. His head was 14.5 inches! At this point we still weren't sure on what his name would be. He had a head full of dark hair and was big and really beautiful.

We finally got dinner that night when things settled down. Jon ran out and got Bojangles and we ate at 10 or 11pm. I wanted pizza but that was going to take too long so we settled for fast food. I was so hungry I didn't care. Before going to bed that night, Jon told me he had been thinking of the name Nolan or Kaden for the baby. I was surprised because Nolan was a name I had liked years ago and Jon had never liked it. Kaden is the name of our friend's son so I didn't really want to use that. I liked the name Logan but didn't think the baby looked like a Logan. I told Jon I wanted to think about it and decide in the morning because I was so tired.

I had a restless sleep with all of the nurse checks. I kept thinking about the name Nolan and felt like that was it. He looked like a Nolan. That morning we decided for sure on Nolan Michael Bealer. Grandma brought the boys to visit and it was so great to see our three boys together. Andrew and Jackson didn't want to hold Nolan but they petted him and poked him and kissed him. They kept saying, "he's so cute!" Later that day grandma and the boys came back and grandpa also arrived for the weekend.

The next day (Saturday, August 4) we took family pictures, Nolan got circumcised, and we got our final checks before discharge. We were discharged around 2:40pm. I was nervous and overwhelmed about coming home. But it was good to come home and all be together. My dad left Monday after taking Nolan and I to his first checkup at the doctor. My mom stayed for over a week to help out and that was a huge blessing! And just like that we became a family of 5!

Easter Peace

We had a wonderful Easter Sunday. We started the day with Easter baskets and getting ready for church. Then we headed to Stake Conference. They did a special Primary program as part of Stake Conference and it was beautiful. Jon translated in Spanish for the meeting so I had to wrangle the boys on my own. They did great but it is exhausting. After an hour I decided to let them get out some wiggles since Andrew was starting to hit and kick some. So sadly we didn't hear much of the last hour. Then, we headed to an awesome park in the area and had a picnic and then played. The weather was perfect. They boys both napped on the way home. We were able to rest a bit while we waited for the boys to wake up. Then we played, called family, ate dinner, and went outside. It was a very simple day but it was perfect. Jon and I both felt the spirit a lot and it was a wonderful day together with our boys.

I feel like prior to Easter I had been feeling stressed. We went camping on Good Friday to Saturday and it was fun but it is also hard to relax when camping with 2 toddlers. By the time we got home, did all the laundry, and unpacking, and go ready for adult Stake Conference, I was exhausted. Easter Sunday was a much needed day of rest and simple family time.

The boys are growing so fast. To be honest, a lot of days are hard and just so exhausting. But there is also so much fun and sweetness in each day as well. Andrew is talking so much and is a little copycat. He is understanding more and more. He recently has taken an interest in the color blue. He also likes to try to sing and read. He says the letter A. He loves his blue puppy and it is his sleeping buddy. He is becoming a picky eater and mostly lives on fruit, mac and cheese, yogurt, cheese, and crackers. He will not try bread of any kind, even pizza or muffins.

Jackson says the most hilarious things all of the time. He is so smart and so chatty. He has ideas running through his mind constantly. He frequently says, "I have a great idea!' or "I have another great idea." The other day when we were camping he yelled out the window. "Somebody rescue me from this camper!" He absorbs everything and has the best memory. If you say or do something one time he will repeat it and never forget it. He is still into cars, especially police cars. He loves to guess/ask what letters different words start with and he knows a lot of them. He is still a daddy's boy but also is clingy to mommy sometimes. He can be the sweetest boy in the world and will tell you he loves you and hugs you, completely unsolicited. He also has a bit of a temper and has a hard time when he doesn't get his way or has to wait. He has gotten really sweet with Andrew and also bossy. But the boys are really starting to play together well. His favorite song is "I Kneel to Pray" and we sing it for every FHE and every night before bed. His other favorite song is"All About that Bass" ooops. He heard it once on the radio and loves it- we do the radio Disney versions so it is clean.

The boys love to pretend swim on our living room rug. They splash, jump, and even get into swim gear. Jackson often stops to tell me, "mommy, you're beautiful" when we are leaving somewhere. It gets me every time,  it's so sweet. He also loves picking me flowers. He often says, "mommy I need to tell you something" and has hard time waiting for his turn to talk if Jon and I are having a conversation. Jackson is really into the shows Blaze, Paw Patrol, Super Why, and Goldie and Bear.

It's too much of a hassle to post pictures on here so I am just going to save time and focus on adding the pictures to our photo book that I am way behind on. But I love typing out the things my boys say and do because they are changing constantly.

Jackson

I have been emotional about Jackson turning 3 today. Even though he has been a little bit tough lately (giving up naps, being bossy, etc...) he is the best and sweetest boy. I look back on the process of giving birth to him with such bittersweet feelings.  It was the hardest thing I had ever done but I would do it again a million times to have that boy in my life. He is so smart and loving and he cares about other's feelings. He frequently asks, "are you happy?" If he sees someone who is sad he notices and comments on it. He loves to Facetime (when in the right mood). He loves to ride his bike and is so fast and good on it. Jackson says the funniest things like "of course we need to brush my teeth." or "of course we have to..." He also says actually, and probably. He has such a big vocabulary and understands so much. There are so many silly things he says that I can never remember them all.

He is really into fighting fires and running from the police/being a policeman. Anything rescue related is his favorite. He also loves paw patrol- he hardly ever watches it but he knows all the songs and loves to reenact it, especially with his buddy Reeves. His favorite color is red. He loves the movie Frozen right now, we never watch it all though. He went through a Dory and Minion/Despicable Me stage too recently. He loves all things vehicle related. He loves treats and they work as a great incentive for him to eat healthy. He has been eating really well over all lately.

Jackson is really shy around others but a chatterbox at home. He is really scared of others, even kids and I am trying to work with him on this. He does fine at church in nursery/primary when I am not there. But if I am there he tends to cling and be quiet. Speaking of nursery- since Jackson turns 3 in January, that means he stays in nursery until next year. It is hard because all of his friends have moved to primary and the nursery group is really young. Since he talks and understands so much, we felt he would be bored in nursery but maybe isn't ready for primary all the way. So he is going to do 1/2 and 1/2, He will do nursery 2nd hour and primary (singing time and sharing time) 3rd hour. Hopefully this will be the best for him but if not, we and his teachers are flexible.

I have been doing a mom and tot preschool with him since September. It is one day a week for about 1.5 hours. It has been really fun for us all and Jackson is learning his letter sounds and can write his letters some. They have story, craft, show and tell, lesson, and snack. It is all Bible related and really well done.

Christmas Eve, Jackson kept talking about mice for some reason so we found a video telling the story of "The Night Before Christmas." Jackson said: "I like mice! They are really soft! When the mouse wakes up it's Christmas time!"

This boy has my heart. He has been coming in our bed in the middle of the night for weeks recently but I am soaking it up. He isn't always cuddly so I will take it. He still wakes up at 5 am most days, no matter when he goes to sleep. It's always hard for me, but I have mostly embraced that as part of him. He is everything to us and we feel so grateful for such a healthy and happy boy. I can't wait to see what the year has in store for him!

ONE?!

I cannot believe our little stud is already one. This year flew by! On November 10, Andrew joined the one year old club. I never did his 11 month update so I will combine these two.

11 months- started walking and talking - took a few steps at first (some of his first steps were at Meineke) and now runs all over the place and falls a lot, says words like dada, ball, all done, more

12 months- walks so fast and falls less, says same words plus Jesus, working on his 7th tooth, weaned from nursing, eats almost everything, shakes his head no, can dance!

Andrew is a big boy and is bigger than other kids his age. I can't wait to see his weight/height at his checkup. Andrew weaned from nursing just before turning one. He slept terribly on our trip to Kentucky for my Grandpa's funeral in mid October at 11 months old and I could only calm him down with nursing. He was up every hour or two, it was really hard and frustrating. Andrew has never slept through the night and so being exhausted we realized it was weaning time. After our trip we got him nursing less and less and eventually he was able to get to the point where Jon could just rock him back to sleep without me nursing. So now Andrew is almost sleeping through the night and we are letting him cry some so he will start sleeping better. It is hard but it is working and it worked for Jackson too. I have slept through the night 2 or 3 times and I always wake up wide awake at 5. Andrew did the best ever last night and only woke up 1 time, cried for 30 minutes and went back to sleep right as Jon and I were going to bed. My body is not used to a full night's sleep but I finally see the light at the end of the tunnel. The first year is always so hard but also so special and I am always sad when it flies right by.

Speaking of sleep Andrew is finally taking legitimate naps of 2-3 hours at times. He doesn't have to cry himself to sleep all.the.time. like he used to. In fact he almost never has to cry to get to sleep, he just plays happily until he sleeps. We have made major progress this last month, our prayers are being answered.

He is the happiest little nugget and LOVES to read.  Favorite books right now are Brown Bear Brown Bear What Do You See and The Little Blue Truck. He also loves the body book we got him for his birthday. He loves having us play with or near him and wants to be wherever we are. We are usually all together because both boys like to be with us at all times. Also, since getting his bear I taught him to growl and that is super cute.

We kept his first birthday super simple. We let him open a present (book) when we all woke up around 5. I had a hard time waiting all day to celebrate. I babysat for a friend most of the day. And I made the ugliest train cupcake cake- the frosting didn't turn out at all and I was rushing and stressing. But it looked ok in the end, especially in the dark candlelight.  When Jon got home, we ate chicken pot pie, had cake and ice cream, a bath, and presents. It was simple with just our family and was the perfect way to celebrate. I am all into simplicity and low stress.

We got Andrew a small matchbox car, a book, and a bath toy (boat and penguin). Grandma and Grandpa Bohn got him some plastic animals and a build a bear which he loves to snuggle with! Grandma Lilly send $10 which will go into the bank.

Words cannot describe how blessed I feel. Weaning Andrew was definitely needed but it is hard to let my baby go. He gives the tightest hugs and has the best squishy cheeks to kiss. He is one of a kind and we love him so very much.

                                                               11 Month Pictures first:

The boys drumming at Mom and Tot Preschool, Rendee Jarvis and Quinn in background

A hot October day!

playing with daddy's name tag

12 months/Happy Birthday!

cuddling his build a bear 

Jackson was really excited about presents and had a little jealousy but overall did okay.

cleaning up after cake and ice cream, splashing away.

He loves his bear!

I Guess I Am Sad

On Saturday night, I found out that my grandpa had taken a turn for the worse and shortly afterwards, he passed away in his sleep. I was actually relieved because in the past few years he was diagnosed with Dementia and in the last year/several months he had taken a turn for the worse. The difference in him between when I saw him in the summer of 2015 and when we saw him this summer were very drastic. He could hardly talk and didn't know who a lot of people were. He seemed confused, could barely walk, and just seemed to be near the end. After our reunion this summer he took a turn for the worse and became a little violent. They advised my grandma to put him in a home, which we all knew was needed. But we also knew he would probably go downhill fast once in a home and he did. My parents were at my house last week and said grandpa was worse the last time they saw him. They were planning to go back in November.

I tried not to feel sad and for the most part I wasn't. Grandpa was 86, died in his sleep with one of his daughters by his side. He lived a good life, and I couldn't ask for more. I knew he was finally reunited with his first wife, my grandma who died when my mom was in her early 20's. So I truly was happy that my grandpa had "graduated" and moved on to the next life. I was happy he was free from the confusion and pain of Dementia. And I still am happy. I am grateful for the reunion we had for him this summer and for the goodbye kiss I gave him.

But today, I finally go time to think, and for the first time I cried. I am sad. I miss him and cannot imagine life without him. He is the only biological grandparent I have known. When I was single I prayed for years that he would stay healthy long enough to perform our sealing. I was so blessed to have my prayers answered and my dreams fulfilled. He went downhill not too long after we got married. I am sad. I don't want to be sad but I am. I know the resurrection is real and I have no doubts about it. It feels good just typing out my thoughts even though they are scattered. I love you Grandpa!

Grandpa said, "I only dive." So Jon had to make sure it was safe. Hard to believe this was just a few years ago.

Back when I was pregnant with Jackson, Grandpa said the baby told him it was a boy. I guess he was right.

kissing Andy Griffith 

All Better (I think/hope)

So I had my eye operation about 10 days ago. I was nervous but it wasn't too bad. The numbing shot was THE. WORST. I told the doctor I would rather have a baby than do that but she pointed out that the pain was much shorter than birth. Truth.

Anyway, they put a surgery cap on me and laid me down. Then, they numbed my eye with the worst shot of my life and then covered my face up. The prep was the longest part. In seconds they told me they were done. I didn't even know they did it, but they had removed my little bump. They wrapped my eye up really tight and that was tough. I quickly realized it would be really hard to see to drive home because my glasses didn't fit over my patch and my right eye is my dominant one. I had a minor panic after they told me I could not lift over 10 pounds for 2 weeks. I cried a lot and texted mom and Jon. I probably should have had Jon drive me home (he was at work) but I made it home safe. I fell apart at home because I had to keep ice on and off every 10 minutes and was trying not to lift the boys. I couldn't see much because of having ice on all day so I finally asked Jon to come home. That helped a lot. I took a nap and felt a lot better.

After the first day, everything was a breeze and I just have been putting medicine on my wound 3x a day. Today was my last day of medicine and tomorrow I go back for a check up. They biopsied my little bump so hopefully I can find out what caused it. The redness in my eye went away immediately so now I know for sure that was the cause. I just wonder if I can maybe wear contacts again soon. I sure hope so!

Here are some pictures, they are out of order and I look disgusting but enjoy!

right after surgery

the day of, some bruising and swelling

this is my eye as of this post, there is still a bruise line that looks like I went crazy with purple eye liner

my redness pre-surgery, it was worse in real life

red eye, and no I am not cross eyed as this picture shows. haha

9 months/10 months

I am running behind on everything as usual. Andrew turned 9 months in August. And now in September he turned 10 months on the 10th. He is changing so fast and getting so big. He got his first hair cut this month so the mullet is gone. I love his new hair and it still sticks up and probably always will. He has my super fine hair.  Andrew has suddenly started nursing less which is a blessing because he was nursing constantly for a long time. He still nurses several times a day but eats food a lot too. He refuses to be fed by us. I finally decided to stop fighting him so he eats baby food from a pouch or crackers. He LOVES Ritz Crackers. He has had some rough times with sleeping and last month I felt like I was on the verge of a breakdown. But the last few days he has napped better and slept better at night. He is still in our bed a lot but I think it is getting better. As long as he isn't teething or sick he is such a happy baby. He loves to be chased. He loves to play and is really into reading now. He learned how to clap and wave in the last 2 months. He also learned to say uh oh and mama as of the 22nd of September, when I am writing this. He is starting to stand more and wants to walk but gets nervous and sits back down.

Jackson's imagination has exploded lately. We have been doing a lot of play dough lately, especially when he is getting wild. It is the perfect way for him to calm down and be creative. He was making car parts and putting them on his vehicles the other day. He also says the cars are "stuck in the mud." Yesterday, Jackson made a car seat and a seat belt out of play dough. He also will create things with his food. The other day he was eating toast and made it into a bucket truck and then a bus. He frequently makes things into buses or sees buses in the shadows. I love his love of buses. He has a ton of crazy energy and mostly doesn't nap anymore so that has been a new challenge. The goal is for him to still have quiet time everyday but he resists it some. He goes from being sweet and helpful to Andrew to hitting, pushing, yelling. It is hard to deal with that behavior but I love when he is sweet and comforts Andrew. Sometimes if they are playing alone I will hear Jackson tell Andrew about certain things or say things like "Daddy had to go to work but he will come back later." Or, "It's ok Andrew, Mommy will be right back." This melts my heart. They also love to play hide and seek together.

Andrew at 9 months, I guess I forgot to take the usual pictures. 

10 month pictures

in his race car costume, he decided to make the box a race car

he wanted the police to get him for speeding. haha

wanting all my ice cream

I may have bribed Jack for these pics but it was worth it.

These boys keep me going constantly and sometimes drive me crazy, but I love them with my whole soul.