I have been wanting to write about life as a new mom- I don't want to forget any of it! Being a mom has been hard, amazing, full-filling, an emotional roller-coaster, a dream come-true, etc... The first week was definitely the hardest. For some reason (hormones) I guess, I felt like crying all the time. I am glad I had my mom and Jon here most of that time because I could barely take care of myself, let alone a baby. It is so hard to try to take care of someone so tiny when you are still recovering yourself. I don't know how people with more than one kid do it. I had flash-back dreams (or nightmares) of labor and delivery. I also kept picturing myself accidentally dropping Jackson or somehow unintentionally hurting him. I am sure this happens to a lot of new moms, but I felt completely incompetent. I was so scared and anxious but also full of happiness and love. The first week was the most intense for sure.
But the first week wasn't all bad- I don't want it to sound like it was miserable or terrible. It was wonderful having my baby home and having our family together. It was awesome spending time with my mom and seeing her care for me and Jackson. It was a really fun and relaxing week. I loved getting to know my baby boy better. I felt an overwhelming love for him when we had him circumcised because I hated seeing him suffer. I have grown to love him so much more everyday.
It has been hard being housebound but also nice because I don't feel like going anywhere. I have gotten out a few times while Jon has stayed home with the baby. That has saved me so much. I even went to sacrament meeting last Sunday while Jon stayed home with Jackson. Everyone was so shocked to see me there, but I really needed it. We are not supposed to take Jackson out for a few weeks due to flu season. We have gone on a few family walks which has been awesome!! We figure walking is okay to do with the baby, because he won't be around people and germs.
Well flash forward to now....it has been almost 3 weeks. I feel like I am really recovering and doing much better. To be 100% honest, I hated breastfeeding at first. It was awkward, painful, and I just wanted to sleep and recover from labor. Yes, I was selfish. It still is painful and I somewhat dread it, but I have also grown to love it in a way. I love how it helps me bond with my son. I love how it forces me to rest and relax. I love realizing how the miracle of pregnancy and childbirth continue even post-birth. I have the ability to feed and care for my baby using my body- that is a pretty amazing gift. I know some people choose not to breastfeed and that is totally fine, I can understand why. I am going to keep going with it and I hear it will get better. I am also going to try pumping soon so Jon can feed Jackson sometimes too. We have been using cloth diapers for about a week now and I love them. They are so cute and easy to use, plus they will save us a fortune. My sister-in laws sent us a ton of cloth diapering stuff which has been a HUGE help!
Well Jackson sure has grown and changed a lot already. He is already outgrowing some of his newborn clothes- he is a tall and skinny guy. At first he had a cry that was more of a growl but he has more of a real cry now, although it is pretty quiet. He is such a good and happy baby so far. He rarely cries and is easy to soothe. My only complaint is that he goes through moments where he just wants to eat for what feels like hours on end. It hurts and leaves me feeling worn out. But usually after those times he sleeps for a long time which gives me a nice break. He has had a few nights where he slept about 5 hours which I think is pretty amazing!
Jackson has smiled since day one but has been smiling more and more lately- I guess he is experimenting with his mouth. He still doesn't smile at anything specific but I think that will come soon. He has been alert since day one but really can focus in and follow voices better now. He can kick like crazy and roll himself to the side just from wiggling so much. He has been spitting up a ton lately- it is more like vomit. He never seems upset though, so I assume it is okay. He has a really goopy left eye- Jon researched it and we think it is a clogged tear duct. We are cleaning it daily in hopes that it will unclog itself. Lately Jackson has struggled to fall asleep at times. He either has to fall asleep nursing or laying on my chest. Jon can get him to sleep by bouncing him but not me. Although today I put him to sleep in the swing! But he woke up as soon as I tried moving him to his bassinet. I have been putting him on my chest the past few days when he is gassy or upset and he falls asleep. It is the sweetest. He gets the worst gas sometimes and this is when he cries the most. He does not like bath time and this is when he also cries a lot. He used to cry every time we change his clothes or diaper but he is getting better with this. Jackson is a very calm and happy baby with a lot of wiggles. He rarely cries except when he needs something and he is easy to soothe.
I am trying to savor and enjoy every moment, even the hard ones. I know time flies and I will miss all of this so much. I am already dreading the teething days but I am trying to remain hopeful that we will survive. Jackson looks and acts so much like his daddy already. It has made my love for Jon grow so much, seeing this mini-version of him and seeing how much Jon cares for him. It is truly a special thing. We have been adjusting really well to this big change and are working together as a team. We have laughed through all of the times our baby has peed on or spit up on us, himself, and our bed. Laughing really has made it much less stressful. We sure do love our sweet baby boy.
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| Elder Simkins was SO excited to meet Jackson. He was in our area for my entire pregnancy and got transferred out last week. |
aaahhh! I know i've said this a million times but it's crazy seeing you live through your eyes. It reminds me so much of having Blaik. Blaik also had the "goopy eye thing" as we lovingly called it. Apparently if you massage the corner of their eye/ tear duct it helps to open it up. But mostly I think time does, he grew out of it after about five months, but it was progressively getting less along the way. Also the spit up! Pretty sure my unique scent was Old Spit Up On My Clothes for a year. It's my unique patented scent, I guess I'll let you borrow it for a while.
ReplyDeleteAnd when you have another one you will do the whole recovering/having a kid thing so well. You are so capable.