People keep asking me how I feel. Overall I feel really good and much better than I did in the first trimester. I still feel nauseous sometimes and I am still throwing up although it is much less. My nausea pill helps out a lot, and I have come to accept I am not going to feel 100% for a while, and that is okay. Some days I feel super de duper over the top excited! I can't believe Jon and I are really starting a family together and will have a little one in our home. A lot of days though, I feel really overwhelmed and scared. I am afraid I won't be a good mom, or that I will be too overwhelmed and won't be able to handle it all. I am afraid of taking good care of the baby and still having time and energy to give to Jon. I am afraid of Jon being overwhelmed because he takes on so much and does so much for me already. I am scared of labor and delivery. I am nervous about breast feeding. And yes I am even a little nervous about the changes my body is going through, even though I know that is selfish. The thing that keeps hitting me the hardest is that I am really feeling depressed about quitting my job. I have been in the workforce for the last 5 years, and even in college I had "real job" for about 2 years. I love love working and I feel like I excel there overall. I definitely want to stay home with my baby and be a full-time mom, it is just a big change and I am nervous about how I will handle it. I don't want to end up bored or lonely. I know everything will work out and everything will be worth every sacrifice, but I am also realistic and I know it is going to be a big change and it is going to be tough. I feel so inadequate and unprepared to be a mom. I know I am great with kids, but I never had to stay up all night or care for them 24/7. It really is a big job.
I am SO happy to be in the stage of my life that I have dreamed about and hoped for all of my life. I really try hard to remember that my dreams are coming true and life is working out the way I always wanted it to. I know we have to have hard times to appreciate the good. I know that I can do anything with the help of prayer and the atonement. I also know that I love this little muchkin SO much already.
I am so excited for you and Jonny! I totally understand your worries...as it wasn't too long ago that I had to make those same decisions. I worked all my life...since I was old enough to hold a job. I didn't have a job during college...but I cut hair on the side for extra money. I loved my job cutting hair and managing a salon. I think the one thing that helped me is having a schedule at home. I used and still use "flylady.net" as a helper to keep me on schedule. You will be a great mom. It is a hard thankless job...but once that sweet little spirit is in your arms, you will know that it is all worth it. I still love to work outside the home. When my girls were little, Dennis and I worked opposite schedules so that one of us was alwasys home with them and I worked 20 hrs a week cutting hair. I loved that. What I didn't love was all the jealousy that the girls I worked with had for me and my family. It finally took it's toll and I had to quit for my own sanity and the good of my family. Janet, It's ok to feel inadequate...14 yrs later, I still feel that way. You can do this. Love you so much...I am always here for you. We will both be up in the night so we can txt or call each other. Please don't hesitate to do so! Hang in there!
ReplyDeleteThank you so much!! I love you too! It was great chatting with you guys today! We are so excited for you too!!
DeleteYou will be an awesome mom! Worries are just the way things are, I worry every day about everything. I always say I got my worrying from my mom! You and Jon are amazing and with The Lord you will be able to do whatever necessary to provide, teach, and love the sweet spirits that come into your home!
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